A watershed moment in anyone’s life happens when you finish a set of goals and objectives you have been working for and suddenly you look ahead and asked yourself: What now? What’s next?
The What’s Next Nebula is a problem that is familiar enough to be a cliché, and yet it is real and can be a real threat to your wellbeing. It can happen at any age, although most of us experience it in our thirties and forties.
Some people might call it a nice problem to have: you have set ticked all the boxes and now, with more than half your life ahead of you, you have run out of mountain to climb. When I say this, I am not talking about the tech, Wall Street, or creative multi-gazillionaires who have invested Microsoft at 16 and then wondered what else there is for them. Although I will swing back Mr. Gates later, I am talking more about you and me.
It’s an old fashioned idea…
We go to school; we get decent grades; we go to college; we get a good first job; we trade up or rise in the ranks; we get married; we have kids; and we look forward to retirement. Along the way, some will have bought houses, a boat, written a novel, become a wine connoisseur, or hit any number of other intermediate personal goals.
Many people reading this may not see themselves, but a lot of people do. I use this old school example because it fits me to a certain extent. When I turned 40, I looked around and could only see the past. The What’s Next Nebula had surrounded me. People who know me will attest that I was not very pleasant to be around at the time. Less than usual, let’s say.
I had the schooling, I was married, I helped create four beautiful sons who are now spread out around Europe, I wrote a few books, I had columns in newspapers, blogs online, and my career progressed smoothly and sufficiently even if I didn’t invent Microsoft. At 40, I felt like I had run out of boxes to tick.
I never became any kind of wine guy, but I didn’t try too hard for that one.
The point of this is not to compare your life to someone else’s. The What’s Next Nebula creeps in when you look at everything you have done and compare it with everything you have actually wanted to do. If you set yourself reasonable goals along the way, it is likely that you will hit most of them at mid-life. It is perfectly natural for you to do so.
It’s possible that you said you would have a flying car or go to the moon at this age. Dreams are allowed. When I was 8 or 9, I had the ambition to be President of the United States. Nixon had just resigned. Someone had to step up.
Dreams aside however, most people hope for success, love, respect, admiration, and a sense of accomplishment. Maslow’s top level in the hierarchy of needs: self-actualization. You may not get married, but you may have a significant relationship. Or you may be a satisfied single person too. It’s all one if it is what you want. Kid can be a goal as much as no kids. In the end, the moment of What’s Next happens when you have ticked all your personal boxes – not any that society may expect.
Society usually gets it wrong anyway.
At this moment, when you are standing on the precipice overlooking your life and wondering what to do now, it is time to change the question.
“What’s next” should be seen as the wrong question. If you have arrived at point where you have done most of what you wanted to or felt you needed to, then the next moves will be quite different.
This is not a time for immediate action (much you may want to jump into something right away). This is a time for reflection, because whatever is “next” is very likely something you had never thought about. Or perhaps it is something you fantasized about when you were younger.
The key things to remember here are
- You are NOT in competition with anyone here.
- You do NOT have to be in a hurry.
- What you want to do may NOT be monumental
One person may want to change jobs and continue to make money. Another person may find more satisfaction merely in having more time to read, to visit the grandchildren, to travel, or take up fishing. The level of satisfaction you will derive is measured only against what you want.
Understand what that desire could be is the key, and you should allow yourself enough time to figure it out. Consult with friends, former colleagues, a life coach – explore options even if they seem far-fetched. William Shatner started pretending to be a spaceman in 1966. But in 2021, at 90 years old, he actually rocketed into space.
Whatever it ends up being, you will leave the What’s Next Nebula with a new plan.
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